The Best First Impression: In the Eyes or the Hand?

This past summer, Cindy McCain received a lot of press when she was injured by an apparent fan who shook her hand a bit too vigorously. The result was a sprain, putting Ms. McCain in a cast and sling and subjecting her to the ridicule of the press for being fragile. At the time, I confess to not giving the incident much thought. But in the past few weeks, as I’ve done more and more networking for my new business, I’ve developed some new thinking on the matter.

For some time, women have been encouraged to have firm handshakes. No one likes a dead fish; they need not apply. We knew that if someone had a firm hand shake it meant they were confident, assertive, and could make it in the dog-eat-dog world of, well, anything. Over time, every woman in business mastered the art of the firm handshake. She’s been extending that hand into circles of people for years to make her strong first impression.

What I’ve noticed of late, however, is that there’s a new trend among women in the business world. It seems that bone crunching handshakes are on the rise. I’m talking about the kind of handshake that might make Arnold’s knees buckle. The kind of handshake that makes one worry that she might end up in a sling just like Cindy McCain.

I have reduced my problems with these handshakes down to three points: 1) They hurt; 2) The fact that someone can perform them doesn’t impress me in any way that is helpful to them; and 3) They take my mind off the person I’m meeting and what they’re saying. In all these respects, these handshakes don’t achieve the presumed goals of the person shaking my hand.

You have no time at all to make a first impression. If you want to spend that precious time inflicting pain on the person you’re greeting, that’s your choice; however, for those of you out there who have taken up this practice, allow me to suggest another approach for making a strong first impression. 

Sure, shake the other person’s hand firmly (practice moderating your strength if “firm” is at all unclear),  but do so while making intentional, eye-to-eye contact that you hold for a second longer than you might otherwise. For those few seconds, be fully in that moment with that person and no one else. What will make you stand out from the crowd is how you make and hold that connection in the eyes of the person you’re greeting, and the extra second you do. This is–hands down!–the most important element of making a first impression, not the extra pressure you apply to their hand. Give it a try!

“The eye is the jewel of the body.” – Henry David Thoreau